“You are beautiful, but..” 

Whether it is a relative ‘complimenting’ on a family gathering or casual comments you encounter on Instagram, beauty comes with certain unmet criteria that make you feel like you are never enough. 

Setting body and beauty standards is highly encouraged in this ignorant yet boastful time. The fact that appearances can be deceptive is familiar to many people but is acknowledged only by very few. People fail to appreciate themselves in all aspects they strive for, and the reason for this is the fear of being judged by friends, family and society above all. 

In today’s society, one’s worth is often defined by beauty standards, which can lead to unrealistic expectations. As a result, the phrase “you are beautiful, but…” has become increasingly common. Such backhanded compliments have a toxic influence on people’s self-esteem, stressing the need to re-evaluate societal norms and perceptions.

Even within our closest friend circles, the celebration of slender bodies has been the norm, and perpetuating the unrealistic and unattainable beauty ideals leaves many feeling like they are not good enough. While we have all heard the saying that “looks do not matter,” the truth is that first impressions are often heavily influenced by appearance. This tendency to judge others based on looks has led to widespread body shaming and a crisis of self-esteem among those who do not fit the stereotypical mold. The societal pressure to conform to a certain standard of beauty can have damaging effects on mental health and self-worth. 

The belief in “but” attached to beauty has persisted in culture for far too long. You can hear comments like, “You are gorgeous, but you are a little on the heavy side.” This kind of indirect compliment has fueled the misconception that being curvier somehow diminishes a person’s worth. It’s an unfortunate reality that many of us have encountered, where our appearance is often scrutinized more than our character. 

I too identify myself as a member of the plus-size community. I have personally experienced the negative impact of societal beauty standards and body shaming, which has fueled my passion for promoting body positivity and self-acceptance. It is important to challenge these harmful norms and celebrate all shapes and sizes, skin colors, and identities. Embracing diversity and rejecting harmful stereotypes can lead to a more inclusive and accepting society where everyone feels valued and accepted for who they are. 

Beauty standards are constantly changing around the world, and they will continue to evolve with each new generation. As society progresses, new values will be adopted, but blindly following societal standards can be detrimental to our self-love and confidence. It’s important to be aware that these beauty norms can be toxic, and we should strive to accept and love ourselves just the way we are.

The notion that beauty is contingent upon specific physical attributes, such as slimness and light skin, persists despite efforts to promote body positivity and inclusivity. Individuals, particularly women, find themselves subjected to scrutiny and judgment based on these narrow ideals, perpetuating harmful stereotypes and fostering a culture of insecurity. 

Almost all of us have come across people saying these phrases: “You are beautiful but a little dark,” “You are gorgeous but a bit fat” or “You are attractive but a little too skinny”. Next time, always remember to remind them that inner beauty is more important than physical appearance. All humans have flaws that are seemingly beautiful in their ways. A beautiful appearance may betray many, but only a beautiful heart defines real beauty. True beauty lies in accepting yourself.

As the discourse surrounding beauty standards continues to evolve, it is imperative to recognize the inherent value in all individuals, irrespective of their physical appearance. By dismantling the “beauty comes with a BUT” mentality, society can pave the way for a more inclusive and equitable future, where beauty is defined by authenticity, diversity, and self-love.

Beauty is a reflection of one’s an inner power, confidence, and uniqueness rather than being defined by external ideals of “buts”. Let’s spread this uplifting message while honoring variety and beauty in all their magnificent manifestations.

Article by: Samriddhi Shrestha

Picture Credit: Natalya Nepran, olgagriga, NilouferWadia, arata

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